Bangs

Last night I had a little too much to drink.
How much is too much?
Hmmm, lemme think...

I.
     Got.
              Bangs.

I got bangs! Did you hear me?
I got fucking bangs!
But this wasn't a pro job...
I gave myself bangs.

Are the bangs a good haircut?
Do the bangs frame my face?
All solid questions;
It depends on your taste:

Should bangs be all jagged?
Should they move on their own?
Is it cool if they’re aflutter,
Like I’m always windblown?

Should bangs be greasy, and stringy, and frizzy?
And this here bangs cowlick, does it make me look pretty?

I was going for Taylor Swift, circa 2010.
What I got was a late ‘80s George Harrison.

These bangs are a problem,
I’m starting to think.
Maybe I can fix them,
After another strong drink.

Purge Mode

Purge mode! Purge mode!
Everything must go!

I haven’t worn these pants in at least twelve months.
Purge!

This was my go to cute top in ‘07, but it shrunk.
Purge!

These shoes are embarrassingly loud, they go “THWUMP, THWUMP, THWUMP.”
Purge!

Once, in this dress, someone mistakenly thought I was knocked up.
Purge!

Cool expensive hat from Anthropologie I’ve worn not a once?
Oh wait, maybe keep that one.
Nah, just kidding, PUUUUUUUURGE!

Top Knot

Your top knot,
It looks so cute.
My top knot…
        Does not.

Your top knot,
It makes you seem young and fun.
My top knot…
        Does not.

Your top knot,
It’s a little messy but not too messy; really just the perfect amount of messy.
My top knot…
        Looks like a sad, wispy rat’s nest.

Your top knot,
It’s fucking perfect.
My top knot…
        What top knot? I’m wearing my hair down. Who’s talking about top knots?